GRATITUDE ATTITUDE

There was a big storm last week that caused a power failure and flash flood in our neighborhood. The power failure shut our sump pump down during the flood. The result was a flooded basement. To put things in perspective, our basement is our den. It is a play area for the children, the location of our television, laundry room, storage, 2^nd washroom, furnace and all the children’s toys. Anything that came in contact with the flood water was deemed contaminated to second degree and had to be removed from the basement. This includes the baseboards, dry wall, flooring, furniture, toys, bookshelves, entertainment unit and electronics. Fortunately all the damage and contents are covered by insurance.

When events like this occur it is very easy to focus on what we don’t have. “I don’t have use of my basement, the television”, etc. This is a focus on scarcity, what we don’t have. Brene Brown qualifies a scarcity attitude as one where we don’t have enough. In our case it would be easy to get caught up in not having enough space, enough television to watch, enough toys to play with, you get the picture. This event gave me and the family an excellent opportunity to practice our “Gratitude Attitude” where we focus on what we are grateful for. We are grateful for having two dry floors to live on, our bedrooms and all their contents, our kitchen, our air conditioning and most of all our health and being together as a family for support.

A“scarcity attitude” can lead to a slippery slope of going from I don’t have enough stuff, to I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough money. Finally the slope gets more pitch as we can start to believe that we are not enough. This is where shame lives and it deteriorates to “I’m not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough. A “gratitude attitude” puts us in a place where we appreciate and are grateful for what we do have, who we are and what we have achieved each day. We’re grateful for the resources (money, time) to achieve the things we were able to do and understand that everything else will just have to wait. You’re grateful for who you are and what you’ve been able to achieve. You may still want to strive for self-improvement, self-actualization and other forms growth, but most important we always believe that we are enough.

Finally it’s one thing to have a “gratitude attitude”, but the attitude on it’s own is only rhetoric without practice. Practice means actually living out that attitude daily. Brene Brown offers some awesome suggestions for practicing your gratitude attitude in the absence of basement floods. I have a gratitude journal, got the idea from Oprah Winfrey 10 or 15 years ago. Every night before I go to bed I make a list of 3 things for which I am grateful. We even have our kids practicing gratitude when they say their prayers at night, but saying 3 things for which they are grateful. Other ideas are creating a gratitude jar, where each day you write a small note of things for which you are grateful and keep them in the jar.

 

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THREE LEADERSHIP TRAITS THAT NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE

Great article from Vineet Nayar that recently appeared in the Harvard Business Review Blog.  Nayar speaks to those leadership behaviours that never go out of style.  I believe that these "traits" are skills and can be developed if the leader wishes to grow in these ways.  Enjoy.

When I was a kid, the children in our neighborhood would play in a nearby park every evening. Our undisputed leader was a boy barely a year older than I was, I think. He introduced the new kids to everyone, taught them the rules of games we played, and made sure no one felt left out. We also trusted him blindly because he had our backs whenever we messed up.

None of the leadership lessons that I have learned, unlearned, or relearned ever since have left as indelible an impact as the ones I learnt as a child. Three, in particular, stand out:

Trust: Do your team members trust you? Do they accept that you will, without doubt, stand up for them whatever the situation? Only that kind of trust makes people feel empowered, gives them the courage to innovate, take risks, and to push themselves beyond their comfort zones to find success.

David Maister, Charles Green, and Robert Galford, who wrote The Trusted Advisor, outline four attributes on which to assess your trust quotient: Credibility, reliability, intimacy and self-orientation. Take this online assessment to evaluate yourself on this parameter.

Empathy: Did you notice that look of anxiety as your teammate walked into office this morning? Or did you miss it because you were busy fretting about deadlines? Do you treat your team members as human beings, and not just as workers?

Emotional intelligence is widely recognized as a leadership quality, but being transparent about your emotions isn't. I'm puzzled by the fact that leaders are expected to maintain a stiff upper lip, as the British say, at work. Why can't we rejoice in our successes, or show concern about our setbacks rather than taking them in our stride? Why don't we laugh and cry with the highs and lows in the lives of our colleagues? We are human beings, and knowing that our bosses care for us is a fundamental human need.

Mentorship: No matter how talented we may be, we crave the guiding hand, the mentor who will teach us the rules of the game. Pat Riley, the widely respected NBA coach, once said that there was no great player who didn't want to be coached. The same holds true of work. Would you be where you are today if your first manager hadn't nudged you in the right direction? When people are perplexed about what the future holds for their organizations and themselves, mentorship is critical.

Little did I know when I was out playing in the shadows of the Himalayas that I was learning some principles that would never go out of fashion. At a time when people everywhere are questioning their leaders' values, those characteristics seem to resonate even more.

LEADERSHIP AND "THE PERFECTIONIST"

The Perfectionist creates situations to eliminate the opportunity and possibility of failure.  Perfectionism is like kryptonite to the leader.  It's affects weaken the leaders drive for growth by influencing them shy away from situations of ambiguity, incomplete information, the unknown or heaven forbid not meeting expectations.  The problem with this state of mind is that the true path to personal growth, self-actualization and joy resides in having the vulnerability to make mistakes and grow from the learning derived from those "failures".  Perfectionism is like a shield to protect the leader from the shame of failures.  This shield acts as a numbing agent against the emotions associated with shame.  Unfortunately when we numb emotions, we numb all emotions.  If we numb the emotions connected to shame, we also numb the emotions connected to joy.

So what!! Well, the sustainable root of all leadership comes from "Knowing Thyself".  Perfectionism hurts the leader by not allowing them to take advantage of the discovery based learning that can be derived from being vulnerable.  Knowledge of self helps the leader understand personal strengths, weaknesses and other idiosyncracies.  This knowledge develops mindfulness in the leader so that they understand their emotions and respond, instead of react in situations.  Instead of "Fight" or "Flight" the mindful leader resides in the grey area between both extremes.  The mindful leader scans the situation to take in all the information in order to respond with an integrated solution that is neither "Fight" or "Flight" but rather a synergy of all solutions that best meets the needs of the environment and the participants.  "Knowing Thyself" also supports a second critical leadership foundational skill which is empathy.  The deeper my personal knowlege, the more I can put myself in your shoes, understand your situation or perspective and empathize with you.  My research on Trust in Leadership and Team Performance demonstrates that a leaders ability to empathize is critical in building trust between leader and follower.  This trust in leader drives individual and team transformation and performance.

In Daring Greatly, author Brene Brown presents her definition of Perfectionism derived from her research.  She also includes the effects of a perfectionist approach as it relates to vulnerability which I have connected above to the value for the leader.  Brown suggests that perfectionism is...

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought:  If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.

Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because perfection doesn't exist.  It's an unattainable goal.  Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy we spend trying.

Perfectionism is addictive, because when we invariably do experience, shame, judgement and blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough.  Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right.

Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, judgment and blame, which then leads to even more shame and self-blame: "It's my fault. I'm feeling this way because I'm not good enough."

THE DIARY OF A LEADERSHIP DEVELOPER vol1

I recently facilitated a team leadership session with a University Women's Basketball team.  I went into the session equipped with an activity I felt would be engaging and facilitate a paradigm shift for the group.  The players were all active participants in the session and they completed the activity as prescribed, but still something was missing.  There was an elephant in the room.  There was an issue with this group that nobody felt comfortable addressing and bringing to the surface.

I left the session split.  My ego was pleased at the level of engagement and active participation.  I was even impressed with some of the insights presented by the group.  The servant leader in me, recognized that while I'd run a successful session I hadn't served the needs of the group.

After a long post session debrief with the Head Coach and considerable reflection I realized that there is no cookie cutter approach to facilitating leadership.  If there was, everyone would be good at it.  Contingency Theory to leadership suggests that there is no absolute correct approach to leadership development, but rather that the approach should be based on the needs of the participants and the complexities of the situation and environment.

I used to enjoy facilitating team leadership with groups I knew would be moved by the knowledge and insight I was able to share.  As I lean into the discomfort of facilitating sessions with groups that have complex team dynamics it is no longer about what I know, but rather how can I make what I know relative to their unique situation and their needs.  This was a stoking revelation that I took to my next team leadership session at a Student Leadership Academy.  I decided to be the "guide on the side", instead of the "sage on the stage" and allow the group to steer the destination of the session.  The result was an absolutely transformational experience shared between me and the participants.  With the exception of the lead in activity, I TOYF'd (Think On Your Feet) the session, trusting my knowledge of the subject matter and my abilities as a facilitator.

These growth experiences are only available to those who are willing to step outside their comfort zones, lean into the discomfort and practice faith over fear.  Relinquish control of the known, for the ambiguity of the unknown.  The known has it's value, however the unknown is quantum in nature, guided by rules while maintaining a sense of chaos.  This "chaordic" world is were greatness lives and where you truly get to "Know Thyself".  Thomas Hobbes professed that you can learn more by studying oneself, than by studying others: particularly the feelings that influence our thoughts and motivate our actions.  Hobbes stated "but to teach us that for the similitude of the thoughts and passions of one man, to the thoughts and passions of another whosoever looketh into himself and considereth what he doth when de does think, opine, reason, hope, fear, etc., and upon what grounds; he shall thereby read and know what are the thoughts and passions of all other men upon the like occasions".

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TED

I'm super excited to attend my first TEDTalks conference TEDxToronto - Alchemy. 

Love the concept of Alchemy as it relates to leadership.  Alchemy is the the capability of turning base metals into the noble metals, gold or silver, as well as an elixir of life conferring youth and immortality.  In my opinion, the construct relates to leadership as leaders help people learn how their seemingly ordinary qualities are truly extroadinary and valuable.  Leaders also help seemingly ordinary people do extraordinary valuable things.

I'm a bit of a TEDTalks junkie.  Today I thought I would share with you my top 3 TEDTalks presentations.

#3 - SIR KEN ROBINSON - School Kills Creativity & Changing Eductional Paradigms

OK. So this is really two.  Ken Robinson raises important questions about where we have placed value in education and the impact on creativity, student engagement and appreciating differences.  If you've never seen these presentations.  Take the time to check them out.  Life altering for anyone facilitating learning, leadership, or parenting.

#2 - SIMON SINEK - How Great Leaders Inspire Action

Simon Sinek cuts to the core of prioritizing the roots of actions, by first connecting with purpose.  Instead of "What are we going to do? And "How are we going to do it?"  Sinek asks leaders to start with the question "Why".  He gets us to connect with purpose.  Instead of what and how, start with why.  This is how great leaders inspire action.  This approach connects with audiences and followers at a deep mental and emotional level.  It also offers insight into your vision so that people can follow along and contribute to the master plan.

#1 - BRENE BROWN - The Power of Vulnerability

This is my favorite TEDTalks.  Brown rocked my world with her research.  Everyone I send this to has an "a-ha" moment and connects with her message.  Brown offers what is in my opinion life altering insight into the power of Vulnerability.  Her research on vulnerability and shame unravels the source of true courage, creativity, enlightenment and joy.

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THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY

"The Power of Vulnerability" is our featured video above is a presentation by vulnerability researcher Brene Brown.  Brown is also the author of Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection and  I Thought It Was Just Me - but it isn't  This presentation rocked my world.  I'm still downloading, reflecting and considering the power of vulnerability, the importance of worthiness and the effects of shame in my own life.  Brown's research and insight have propelled me to a greater understanding of the dichotomy between my identity and personality.  In my opinion this is a life altering presentation that everyone should consider, especially leaders.

Don't believe the hype that leadership is about bossing people around.  Leadership is about change and true leaders use various tools and contigency based models to facilitate change through a servant transformational approach.  The first fundamental step for any leader is knowing thyself.  The value of self knowledge and an understanding of self is incredible.  Learning about yourself gives you insight into your strengths, weaknesses and ways you respond to situations and more importantly reasons your respond the way you do.  This awareness to move us closer to our identity, who we really are and away from our personality, who we've become as a result of external influences like parenting, media and ego.  This awareness also helps us to become mindful of how our behaviour influences others.  This awareness leads to empathy, a tool and skill no true leader can function without.  Brown's research should an essential chapter in every leaders journey.

I have already received incredibly insightful feedback about this presenation from friends and colleagues.  I would love to hear from other movers.

Enjoy!

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CULTURE MATTERS

This article by Bill Barnett resonates with me.  Until recently I was naive enough to believe that "the job" or "the organization" were most important when building your career.  Barnett suggests that opportunities for greatness with an organization can be compromised by your fit with the culture.  Read on and tell me if you agree.

Some organizations will excite you. They'll stimulate your success and growth. Others will be stressful. They may lead you to quit before you've accomplished much or learned what you hoped to. With the pressure (or excitement) of finding a new job, it's all too easy to pursue a job opportunity or to accept an offer with only a hazy view of how the institution really operates. The path to an institution you'll like is to investigate the culture you're thinking of joining before you accept the position.

Sean (name has been changed) is a master at this. He pursued a job offer at a Fortune 500 company to be the first Chief Administrative Officer (CAO). He was well-qualified, presented himself well, and got the offer. He'd been competing with capable people. He was proud he'd "won the contest."

The next step was a return visit, after which he'd decide to accept the offer. Sean had already learned a lot about the company's businesses and some things about the organization. His priority now was culture and how the new position might fit: "I asked people, 'What are you excited about? What are you proud of? Who are your close friends in the company? How does the group function together?'" Sean learned things like who the heroes were, what made them successful, and what his biggest challenges and opportunities would be in the job. The different people he met with were learning from his questions. It was almost like he already worked there, and they were jointly determining how to make the new role successful.

Surprisingly, Sean turned down the offer. The new role was a misfit in the company's culture.

As he learned more about the company, Sean questioned how he'd be viewed as the first CAO in a company where everyone else focused on bottom-line results. It was a highly performance-driven environment with lots of business units. Corporate staffs were secondary.

"I asked how they'd keep score on me, how they'd really know I was making a difference," he said. "We never got to satisfactory answers to that question. They weren't hiding anything. This CAO position was a new one, and they didn't really know."

Sean was concerned that this new position wouldn't fit in the company's culture, that he wouldn't really be accepted, and that it wouldn't be a springboard to the line job that he really wanted after two or three years as CAO. He might have made it work, but why take the risk?

It's not uncommon for job seekers to enter organizations without understanding the culture and come away disappointed. When considering a new job, be sure to investigate the institution's culture. Consider these questions to guide you:

1. What should I learn? Understand the organization's purpose — not just what they say they're doing, but also how their purpose leads to decisions and what makes them proud. Learn how the organization operates. For example, consider the importance of performance, how the organization gets things done, the level of teamwork, the quality of the people, how people communicate, and any ethical issues.

Except for ethical issues, there's no absolute standard of what's best in organizational culture. Different purposes and different organizational features can be more or less appealing to different people. When you understand how the potential employer operates, you'll need to consider how well that matches your goals. Your target organizational culture is an important part of your aspirations.

2. How should I learn? Read everything you can find about the institution, but read with a critical eye. Institutions have formal vision statements, and they often mention cultural topics in other public reports, but these documents are written with a purpose in mind. Independent writers take an independent perspective. They can be more critical, but they can miss details and get things wrong.

Discuss culture with people in the organization. You'll talk to people in the interviewing process, of course. But you may learn different things if you meet others there who aren't involved in your recruiting process. Also talk to people outside the organization who know it — customers, suppliers, partners, and ex-employees. Their different experiences with the institution will affect their views, so ask about situations where they've seen the culture in action.

3. When should I learn? It's hard to learn about culture at an early stage in your search. But your impressions can guide you to target some institutions and avoid others.

Culture may come up in job interviews, although it may be complicated to do much investigation when you're trying to sell yourself. People sometimes worry that discussing culture might make people uncomfortable and put a job offer at risk. The culture topic is certainly not off-base, and it is necessary to know for future growth in the company. Hiring managers should expect it. Whether it's in interviews or after you have an offer, you'll do best if your questions show you're learning rapidly about the organization, taking the employer's perspective, and beginning to figure out how to succeed there. Culture questions can cast you in a positive light. Sean's line of questioning confirmed the CEO's judgment to hire him, even if Sean didn't like the answers.

What's your view of how culture affects the job search? Has culture played a part in how you choose your future employer?