The Perfectionist creates situations to eliminate the opportunity and possibility of failure. Perfectionism is like kryptonite to the leader. It's affects weaken the leaders drive for growth by influencing them shy away from situations of ambiguity, incomplete information, the unknown or heaven forbid not meeting expectations. The problem with this state of mind is that the true path to personal growth, self-actualization and joy resides in having the vulnerability to make mistakes and grow from the learning derived from those "failures". Perfectionism is like a shield to protect the leader from the shame of failures. This shield acts as a numbing agent against the emotions associated with shame. Unfortunately when we numb emotions, we numb all emotions. If we numb the emotions connected to shame, we also numb the emotions connected to joy.
So what!! Well, the sustainable root of all leadership comes from "Knowing Thyself". Perfectionism hurts the leader by not allowing them to take advantage of the discovery based learning that can be derived from being vulnerable. Knowledge of self helps the leader understand personal strengths, weaknesses and other idiosyncracies. This knowledge develops mindfulness in the leader so that they understand their emotions and respond, instead of react in situations. Instead of "Fight" or "Flight" the mindful leader resides in the grey area between both extremes. The mindful leader scans the situation to take in all the information in order to respond with an integrated solution that is neither "Fight" or "Flight" but rather a synergy of all solutions that best meets the needs of the environment and the participants. "Knowing Thyself" also supports a second critical leadership foundational skill which is empathy. The deeper my personal knowlege, the more I can put myself in your shoes, understand your situation or perspective and empathize with you. My research on Trust in Leadership and Team Performance demonstrates that a leaders ability to empathize is critical in building trust between leader and follower. This trust in leader drives individual and team transformation and performance.
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.
Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because perfection doesn't exist. It's an unattainable goal. Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy we spend trying.
Perfectionism is addictive, because when we invariably do experience, shame, judgement and blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough. Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right.
Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, judgment and blame, which then leads to even more shame and self-blame: "It's my fault. I'm feeling this way because I'm not good enough."
