WALKING WITH MY DAD

I conducted a little informal experiment recently after observing parents walking with their kids.  I will often see parents walking at a speed faster than their children.  The child has the option of keeping up by walking uncomfortably fast or walking at their preferred speed and lagging behind.

I recreated this scenario with my son.  I would walk at my preferred pace ahead of my son and implore him to keep up.  My son would make a conscious effort to keep up.  He would catch up, then slow down and lag behind and then catch up again.  He would continue this pattern until we reached our destination as long as I was barking at him to keep up.  

I tried the another scenario where I did the same thing, except this time did not offer any instruction about keeping up with me.  In this situation I would walk at my preferred pace and he would walk at his.  I would understandably walk faster than him and the gap between the two of us would grow.

Finally I decided to slow down and meet my son where he was and walking at his pace.  I held his hand and we walked together.  I observed something interesting. Once I slowed down and held his hand, he actually walked faster.  Not at my pace, but at a pace faster than he did when I wasn't holding his hand.  I was walking slower than my natural pace, but not as slow as I would be if I had slowed down completely to his speed.  We were clearly walking together.

This experience spotlighted a noteworthy approach to leadership.  We often spend too much time identifying and focusing on the gaps between where our constituents are and where we want them to be ie. the distance between my son and I walking at our preferred speed.  We share this gap focus with our constituents in the form of feedback. You're walking too slow! You need to walk faster! Keep up! The speed at which you walk is not good enough or fast enough!  However an incredible phenomenon happens when we meet people where they are, and hold their hand to move them forward.  Holding someones hand is an analogy for creating a relationship with a constituent.  It's saying we're going to work together to facilitate your growth. It's saying I'm going to take the time to learn about you and understand you without judgement and without any other motive.  It's an understanding that such a relationship drives permission to influence from the constituent to the leader, so that the leader can influence and stretch the follower to walk a bit faster.  Or in another situation, context or environment, to grow.  Not necessarily at the speed of the leader, but at a greater speed than when their was no relationship, no influence, no meeting the constituent where they are and no empathy.

Focus on the gaps simply drives focus on what a constituent is not, where they are not and sometimes even why they are not.  Influential relationships take the constituents to a new place, just beyond their current place of existence, skill and strength level.  This moves our intention to facilitating progress and growth.

WHAT THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS TAUGHT US ABOUT LEADERSHIP

The San Antonio Spurs put on a clinic in the 2014 NBA playoffs.  A leadership clinic that is. I see so many
things through the lens of leadership.  Every team in the NBA, just like most organizations, is looking for the next great player who can do it all.  A Lebron James who is freakishly athletic, multi skilled and without question the best player on the planet. NBA teams are trying to draft this player, just as corporations are trying to hire this person.  Corporations want the employee who works 60 - 80 hours a week, see's all and do all.  This employee can cover the weaknesses of other employees (especially the leader) and the organization as a whole.  Having this employee or even better a "big three" of these employees makes life easier on the leader.  Why?  Because the leader doesn't really have to lead.

Now let's take a look at the Spurs.  This a team of players who each have an area of strength, but I would argue that there is not one player on the team who can do it all.  Think about it, how often do we come across someone who can do it all?  How often do we see someone who can do it all for an entire career, without burning out?  It's a special thing, that's why it's such a big deal when we see it happening.  Usually we are blessed with a team of constituents who may not be "Superman", but all have an area of strength.  The Spurs model, as I see it, identifies the strengths of their players, develops those strengths and then masterfully develops a system where players can work in their area of strength for to drive performance.  The leaders lead by creating an environment where players are appreciated for the strength that they bring and not judged for the tools they don't. If a situation calls for a different strength, the leadership on the team looks to a player or group of players with the skill set and strengths to deliver what the team needs.  

However before any of this can happen, Coach Popovich creates deep relationships with his players.  These relationships develop trust between player and coach.  This trust is the magic ingredient for players to give over power to the coaching staff.  The important part about power is the capacity to influence that is given by the player to the coaching staff.  When people give that capacity to influence to someone, they are saying, I allow you to lead me.  It's one thing to listen to what a coach says, it's an entirely new dimension to allow a coach to influence you.  Influence leads to change. Listening doesn't lead to change with out influence.  Popovich understands the importance of the player coach relationship to facilitate the influence he needs.  All this creates a culture where players are focused on winning.  Everyone in the organization is solution focused in their pursuit of this goal.

Real organizational leadership involves identifying the skill sets and "strength sets" of constituents and working with your team to figure out the best way to use those strengths to drive maximum performance.  Any kind of real leadership need influence and an environment where the seeds of influences have been planted and are always being fertilized.  The San Antonio Spurs aren't sitting around waiting for a Lebron James to drop in their lap.  They are a model of best practice of identifying, developing, leveraging strengths and creating influencing relationships to drive performance.

SHAWN ACHOR: THE HAPPY SECRET TO BETTER WORK

A good friend sent me this great and funny TEDtalks where Shawn Achor absolutely nails the importance of Positive Psychology.  Achor's speaks to the power of Positive Psychology interventions to "change the lens with which we see the world".  Positive Psychology coaches influence your lens by helping clients to identify & develop strengths, drive optimism, hope, perspective, build resilience & grit to drive happiness in all life domains.

Enjoy!