LEADERSHIP CHRONICLES - SARCASM v. HUMOUR

I experienced a great learning lesson recently about the difference between humour and sarcasm in the
toolkit of the leader.

Sarcasm is generally a "sharp, bitter, cutting expression or remark".  The biggest issue with sarcasm as it pertains to the leader is that it employs ambivalence, which runs counter to one of the leaders greatest skills and tools, empathy.  Humour is "the tendency of a particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement.  Sarcasm can easily be disguised as humour because it often makes people laugh, but the cost of sarcasm is the amusement and happiness of the person whom the sarcastic remark is being directed.  Important constituent relationships can also be damaged or ruined due to misunderstanding the difference between sarcasm and humour.

Sarcasm has always been a big part of my humour.  I grew up with sarcasm as in integral part of humour in my family and with my peer group.  We didn't fight or do physically mean things to each other.  Instead, like lion cubs sparring for their place in the tribal hierarchy we used sarcasm to establish our position.  Growing up my friends and I would throw sarcastic remarks back and forth at each other like a breakdance battle until a winner (and subsequent loser) was pronounced by the crowd of peers.

I've toned down the sarcasm considerably as I've become more aware of that sarcastic remarks can cut deep and hurt people.  However, like all of us, every once in a while I slip and use sarcasm when trying to be funny, instead of humour. While the intention of is to bring amusement and a light heartedness to a situation, it can be lost if the constituents perceive ambivalence, or feel hurt from a comment.

As I work more and more in a coaching capacity and those I serve see me as a source of inspiration, motivation, support and guidance I have learned how important it is for me to temper my sarcasm.  More recently I have really focused on the difference between humour and sarcasm in order to develop a new approach to humour that does not include sarcasm.  I will continue to be my authentic self.  So that includes using humour, because I would prefer to laugh and bring levity to situations.  This approach has served me well, as people enjoy working with me.  I help the team keep things in perspective and see the opportunities, possibilities and solutions when many believe the sky is falling.  However, it is important for me to allow my emotional intelligence to guide me to greater heights than "how have my comments or behaviour influenced the feelings of others" to "how could my comments be perceived by my constituents".  It is also important to understand context when using humour in leadership.  You must understand the situational factors.  Without full information, what is humour to you, could be considered as insensitivity to others.  My advice, when in doubt about context, or when without full info, hold off on the humour until you get more info.

Social media and instant messaging have added new layers of complexity to the dynamics of humour in leadership because intention, inflection and intonation are often lost and/or mis-understood through these mediums of communication.

The next time you are tempted to use sarcasm with your constituents, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does this thought drive negative of positive emotions?
2. Am I bringing positive or negative energy to the situation?
3. Will my team follow my lead? Do I want them to follow my lead?
4. Am I focussing on a solution or adding fuel to the fire of the problem?
5. Would I want my mentor, father or child hear me say this?

You may think that this is a lot to bear on your shoulders.  For better or for worse its the responsibility associated with leadership and the accountability all leaders should take.  I'm always happy for the experiences that lead me to a place of self improvement.  This is certainly an area where my awareness is growing and where I look forward to continued development.

ttheMOVEMENT - TIME TO MOVE

Thank you for taking the time to read a post or think about a post.  Thank you for sharing a post with your friend, colleague, team or audience.  Most of all thank you for commenting on a post, or adding life to a post by starting a discussion with others.

ttheMOVEMENT is a vehicle to share information and insights to help people connect with their greatness, become their best self and move from where they are to desired levels of self-actualization.  The information shared on this blog will also guide how you influence others to do the same.  

Today I request your feedback!  I want you to share your insights, recommendations and advice with me.  I will use your feedback to guide the content on ttheMOVEMENT to ensure that you are being served, while at the same time staying authentic and true to the vision for the blog.  

Here's what I'd like to know:

• How has ttheMOVEMENT helped you?
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I'd love it if you could answer any, or all of the questions above.  Message me or answer directly through the comment section below.  

Thank you in advance for your reply.  Your feedback will help me to take stock of the influence ttheMOVEMENT is having and help to guide the direction of this resource for the future. 

Even ttheMOVEMENT has to move.

Thank you

LEADERSHIP CHRONICLES - FIVE PRACTICES OF EXEMPLARY LEADERS

After two seasons as Leadership Coach with the Ryerson Rams University Women's Basketball Team we're ready to create the Ryerson Rams Women's Basketball Leadership Development Program that will effectively serve the needs of our program, support the development of our athletes and drive the performance of our team.  Due to the situational nature of leadership, we needed the first two seasons to assess our leadership development needs.  Special thanks to Head Coach Carly Clarke, Athlete Services Manager Leith Drury, all the players, coaching staff and administration who have been instrumental in the creation of this new program.

The program is based on insights from the book "The Leadership Challenge" by Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, giants in the world of leadership education and research.  Based on over 30 years of research Kouzes and Posner identified five common practices of leaders who make extraordinary things happen.  They call them the "5 Practices of Exemplary Leaders".

The Ryerson Rams Womens Basketball Leadership Development Program includes important interventions that we've latch onto the Exemplary Leadership model.  These interventions, turn the key and will drive the leadership education and facilitate the learning and acquisition of the desired skills with our athletes.  I won't share those interventions.  That's C15 classified stuff!  However, I thought it important to share the 5 Practices of Exemplary Leaders.

1. MODEL THE WAY
Leaders establish principles concerning the way people (consituents, peers, colleagues and customers alike) should be treated and the way goals should be pursued.  They create standards of excellence and then set an example for others to follow.

2. INSPIRE A SHARED VISION
Leaders envision the future, creating an ideal and unique image of what the organization can become.  They enlist others in their dreams.  They breathe life into their visions and get people to see exciting possibilities for the future.

3. CHALLENGE THE PROCESS
Leaders look for innovative ways to improve the organization.  They take risks and understand that risk taking involves mistakes and failures.  Leaders accept the inevitable disappointments as learning opportunities.

4. ENABLE OTHERS TO ACT
Leaders foster collaboration and build spirited teams. They actively involve others.  Leaders understand that mutual respect is what sustains extraordinary efforts; they strive to create an atmosphere of trust and human dignity.  They strengthen others making each person feel capable and powerful.

5. ENCOURAGE THE HEART
To keep hope and determination alive, leaders recognize contributions that individuals make.  Leaders celebrate accomplishments. They make people feel like heroes.

SUCCESS - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

This is a blog post from on of my mentors Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener.  I believe that we can learn much from failures, but agree with Robert's assertion that there is at least equally as much, if not more to be learned from our successes.  This approach is consistent with a solutions based approach to coaching and leads to more forward momentum when pursuing goals.  Take a read of Robert's Blog post below and let me know what you think.

I recently returned from London, where I attended and spoke at a TEDx event in Russell Square. TEDx events, like the larger TED events they mirror so closely, are day-long affairs in which audiences are treated to inspiring or provocative short talks. The Russell Square event was no exception. Here, I offer some of the most thought-provoking highlights of the day.

My favorite talk was presented by Paul Z. Jackson. Mr. Jackson offered a single, eyebrow raising thesis: you do not learn from your mistakes. He did not mean to imply that you are incapable of learning from your mistakes but-- rather-- that you needn't bother looking at your mistakes en route to success.

This argument flies in the face of modern sensibilities. These days, people are apt to point to the way that Thomas Edison famously quipped, "I failed my way to success" or to offer platitudes such as "There is no such thing as a mistake; only opportunities to learn." The self-help movement, in particular, has become smitten with the idea that failure and mistakes should be flirt with for their many, obvious attractive properties. 

It is exactly for this reason that I found Mr. Jackson's comments so refreshing. He argued that the only thing that mistakes teach us is what not to do. "Looking to mistakes for instruction," Jackson said, "is like trying to teach surgery by process of elimination. Make enough mistakes and you eventually rule out every bad habit and poor decision." 

Jackson believes that our collective fascination with wrong is primarily rooted in our love of story. Stories in which everything goes right are boring. Because mistakes, conflicts and failures are at the heart of all drama it is these that tend to arrest our collective attention.  

If mistakes are limited in their instructional utility what should we be focusing on in our pursuit of success? Jackson, a professional solutions focus coach and consultant, has an answer. You should be looking at your success! By looking at what goes well, at times where there were few problems, at what you might do if success were guaranteed; these are where the true learning and forward momentum come from, according to Jackson. 

You are under no obligation to agree. Jackson's idea is clearly provocative.  And there you go: that is the heart of the TED philosophy. These talks are not intended to lay out the truth. Rather, they are intended to promote new ideas. Ideas worth considering. Ideas that get under the skin. Ideas over which we can argue. Ideas worth sharing. 

LEADERSHIP CHRONICLES - I WAS WRONG

"I was wrong" is one of the toughest things for the average person to admit.  It becomes even tougher to admit when there are investments, jobs and other self interests on the line.  It's even TOUGHER to admit in an environment focussed on results over relationships and perfectionism over growth.

Great leaders understand that accountability is part of a successful leadership process.  You want your staff to be accountable for their behaviour?  Model it by taking accountability and ownership for your behaviour especially when you know deep down inside "I made a mistake".

Nowhere in the leadership literature or research does it say that leaders (or anyone else for that matter) are perfect.  Actually, the more human you are as a leader, the greater the opportunity to connect with your staff or team and develop a sense of oneness.

Take a look below at the leadership demonstrated by Lebron James with his teammate Mario Chalmers.    We're human, so we may lose our temper from time to time or even say something we regret in the heat of the moment.  "I was wrong" is a powerful statement for leaders to take accountability and develop connection with those they serve.  Team leadership is a process of influencing a team to reach their common goals.  This demonstration by James models accountability, builds trust and will serve to drive team performance.

LEADERSHIP CHRONICLES - "FACE OFF" & "MUSIC VIDEOS"

Sometimes it's just fun to be silly, open and vulnerable.  Leaders who create environments where people feel safe to be silly, will benefit from the value of that comes from people feeling comfortable being themselves.  Whenever working with a team, understand that the physiological need for connection drives peoples desire to be part of the team.  Employees leave jobs where they do not feel a sense of connection.  Connection comes when I feel I can be myself and am accepted by the group while being myself.  It's a sense of belonging.  When people do not feel connection, they leave, or even worse they try to adopt the personality and characteristics of someone in the group who is being accepted and who has achieved connection.  This is an example of trying to fit in, instead of belonging.

"Face Off" and "Music Videos" are among several activities we facilitate with our Ryerson University Women's Basketball team for our players to develop comfort being uncomfortable.  Comfort being vulnerable, silly and open.  Once you're silly around your peers a few times, it becomes much easier to just be yourself.

In "Face Off" players go head to head to see who can get the elastic band from above their mouths to their neck only using the muscles in their face.

"Music Videos" is an activity where players pick a song and work together to create their own music video for the song.

LEADERSHIP CHRONICLES - ABSOLUTE STRENGTH

Went to dinner with some good friends on the weekend.  The discussion turned to their sons.  At different points in the conversation the consensus was that both boys were very hard working and then the opinion switched to both boys being very lazy.

Just like a superhero I threw off my glasses and quickly changed into my Leadership Coach costume and became "Leadership Man!!"  Using my Positive Psychology skills, that enable me to articulate strengths instead of merely focussing on weaknesses, I was able to protect both boys from further scrutiny.

Jason is a third year student at the University of Toronto, Majoring in Sciences and Math.  He holds an above 90 percent average in this very competitive program.  Aaron is a gregarious licensed mechanic, who loves working with his hands and who is now interested in pursuing a career in policing.  According to the parents Jason is amazing and works very hard because he earns a 90 percent at school.  However, they claim he is lazy because he does NOTHING around the house.  The parents claim that Aaron is hard working because he has worked hard to become a licensed mechanic and has saved over $30,000 in his few years working since his certification.  Plus Aaron always helps out around the house.  However, Aaron was a LAZY academic student.

Here's the insight I shared with my friends.  Using my Positive Psychology vision I was able to understand this issue through the lens of Strength Constellations.  According to Biswas-Diener et al., (2011) strengths do not exist in isolation.  This suggests that strengths are not absolute, they don't exist all the time in all situations.  But, rather strengths are relative and work in conjunction with variables like other strengths and situational variables.  Positive Psychology experts believe there is much to be gained by looking at specific pairings and groupings of strengths (Biswas-Diener et al. 2011).

As this pertains to the boys, their strengths emerge when they are paired with another strength.  Jason's hard work is activated when it is coupled with his intellect regarding science and math.  Outside of that constellation, the hard work strength vanishes.  Aaron's hard work is activated when using his hands to create.  Again, as with his brother, the perceived absolute strength of hard work hides outside of the constellation of working with his hands.

So how does this pertain to the leader?

It is important for leaders to work with their team, staff, etc to identify strengths and strength constellations so that leaders can put people in roles to support the effective and efficient achievement of department and team goals.  When we perceive aloofness from staff or team members, many times the reason is because we have identified a strength, but disconnected that strength from the constellation (another strength or situation) that helps to activate said strength.  It become critically important for leaders to go beyond the identification of strengths and now start to analyze the contextual factors that exist that activate a perceived strength.

In the book "Eleven Rings" Phil Jackson demonstrates his mastery of understanding of the context of peoples strengths.  For most of Michael Jordan's career, he was a leader by example.  Jordan's expectation was that teammates take his example and do their best to keep up.  Phil Jackson understood Jordan's constellation was Leadership Power, activated by Jordan's incredible ability to perform at the high standard as a basketball player.  Jackson allowed Jordan to lead using this strength constellation, but looked to others like Bill Cartwright and Scottie Pippen to lead in other ways based on their respective constellations to fill out the leadership needs for the team.

Instead of focussing on the weaknesses of your staff, shift the paradigm, see the strengths and the context of those strengths.  Your job as leader is to create roles that reflect strength constellations and not strengths as absolutes.  Then, find others with other combinations or groupings of strengths for different roles until you have a team that can work interdependently, each using their personal, magical, strength constellation.